New Year 2017

There is flat feeling for this new year. Trying to keep my head above the water for years. Somehow I feel numb.

So big bro is moving in to his new house on December 28th and mom is having anxiety attacks for that. Yesterday she called him and asked if he would pick us up on Sunday and he said no. His new house is very far now.

Yesterday afternoon I still didn't realize what happened. She just snapped. She said her sons don't need her anymore. And no one wants to be near her anymore.

It hits me, she had become too attached with big bro after the Sunday routine.

I just hope it does not start over again. Let's just hope the depression doesn't sink in again.

Kinda confused how to make a happy family with just the both of us. Since the idea of old people still in there. The hopes that at least one of her son would guarantee her old age life is never gonna happen.

I know that she never expected a daughter had to fill all the responsibility of her sons. But I think the sooner she accepted the fact, the faster she can move on.

It is just so sad to see her with no willingness to live this morning.
I just don't understand why after all that happened, she still wants one of her son to take care of her.

What do I need to do to make her "get" it?

DIY Christmast Decor

Love this white pine tree Diy

The Mom Case

This is written to track Moms health. With outer influence and response. So yesterday after I went out with my brother and family, moms condition is deteriorating. After hearing how much he spent for their bed, she felt kinda depressed.

I have been worried this kind of things will happen when we take xanax off her medication. Sometimes she can be very aggressive at night and angry about all stuff.

We have been consuming Isagenix diet supplement for a month. The only one really works I think is Ionix drops. Before she could be very angry day and night. Now we can reduce it at night only. She is consuming the Ionix in the lunch time. Although the diet don't go well, she is still fat, at least one of the supplements work.

So yesterday she talked about her fear. Her fear of being put in an old people's home. I think that she is not healthy yet. Still thinking of getting a nurse just to take care of her. But she does not want to be treated that way. But still dont want to do her stuff on her own. Like getting a glass of water for her own drink.

What do you think I should do?

Addiction as a disease

Learning about what behinds every man's thought have always intrigued me. Sometimes i use myself as a lab rat or other people around me. I think it is quite normal for someone who has always been curious about human minds.

Yesterday i saw a TV show about addiction. Yes I still watched TV. Addiction to shopping, sex, adrenaline rush etc works the same way as addiction to drugs. The effort to fulfill the addiction, the rush, and the guilt feeling after it is done is very typical to all addiction. And also there is a doctor that said it is very common that sexual abuse at a very young age could have caused that. Although that is not always the case.

Still it is still interesting stuff to know. It turns out everyone has addiction to one or more things that he or she may acknowledge of. Even I had a few addiction I need to fix. Little habits such as buying shampoo when there is a new brand on the market, or soaps. Buying stationary that I might need someday. Which piles up and fill all my room to live. I never realized that until I saw that TV show. And it has never been such a big deal when I live in the big family who always runs out of soap and shampoo. It started to pile up when all my brothers are married and out of the house. My Dad passed away too. Now sometimes I bought things more than I can consume.

Not just buying though, sometimes you get bonuses from suppliers and I tend to keep them too. Until someday I had to move out from the house to an apartment only to find... stuffs. Lots of stuff to empty. I just realized that I had 100 boxes of detergent, 100 pouches of dish washing liquid and yes I am lowering the number because I can't really count it. It was more than that. I had became a hoarder.

The thing about those stuff though. The all had an expiry date and I end up using lots of expired products. That sucks

Tidy home tidy mind

I think this is based on the new book by Marie Kondo

Good Posture

Watch how you sit and stand

Chemicals in Cosmetics

Watch for this chemicals